Creepy and Kooky

We watch several movies a week. Every Friday, we'll talk a little about some of the movies we watched that we felt were Worth Mentioning.

Goofballs, vampires, aliens, and Addams.

DETECTIVE SCHOOL DROPOUTS (1986)

A Cannon Films production, the comedy Detective School Dropouts (also known as Dutch Treat) has faded into obscurity and been forgotten by most of the movie-going public – but, as I discovered when I was introduced to this movie’s existence by the Joe Bob Briggs archives, this one still has a major cult following, with multiple viewers out there having fond memories of cracking up while watching the movie with family back in the days when they would catch it on cable or rent the VHS over and over from their local video store. It’s a dirt cheap movie that was filmed in Italy and features the Anthropophagus himself, George Eastman, in a prominent role. I was not expecting much from it... and when it first started, I didn’t feel like I was getting much from it, either. But as it went on, it gradually won me over. Surprisingly, it actually is pretty funny.

Directed by Filippo Ottoni from a screenplay by Lorin Dreyfuss (brother of Richard) and David Landsberg, the movie also stars Lorin Dreyfuss as unscrupulous private investigator Paul Miller, with Landsberg taking on the role of Donald Wilson, a man whose life is falling apart because he can’t drag his attention away from the private detective novels he loves reading. So he decides to apply to work as a P.I. alongside Miller. 

Wilson gets involved with Miller just in time to get caught up in the conflict between the three great cheese-producing families of Italy: the Zanettis, the Lombardis, and the Falcones. The Zanettis and Lombardis are actually close to a peace deal, as Caterina Zanetti (Valeria Golino) has fallen in love with a Lombardi boy. This doesn’t sit well with the Falcones, including the bloodthirsty Bruno (Eastman), so they kidnap Caterina to break up the couple while scheming to get their cheese on every pizza in America (California excluded). Miller is such a loser, he doesn’t get hired to find Caterina. He sees an ad from someone who has lost their grey poodle, so he gets a white poodle, spraypaints it grey, and takes it to the address on the ad... Well, he tries to. He takes the wrong dog to the wrong address, where Wilson spots the captured Caterina, and that’s how they get mixed up in this dangerous business.

That business takes Miller and Wilson on a trip to Rome – and after a shaky start, the movie really comes to life once the characters get to Italy, then somehow manages to get funnier as it goes. It builds up to some memorable sequences; one involving the Leaning Tower of Pisa and another involving a Porsche.

Another very memorable element of the film is the goofball musical score, which was composed by George Clinton under the shortened name Geo. This music will get into your head and stick there for days.

SALEM’S LOT (1979) – hosted by Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision

What’s better than settling in for a creepy evening of watching director Tobe Hooper’s three-hour mini-series adaptation of the Stephen King novel Salem’s Lot? Getting to watch legendary drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs host Salem’s Lot in a 1996 episode of his TNT show MonsterVision! Not only do you get to see the entire three-hour mini-series, which still holds up as the best adaptation of that particular King novel, but you also get some commentary from Joe Bob at every commercial break. (And if you’ve gotten the video from Joe Bob’s archives, you don’t even have to sit through actual commercials.)

1996 was an Olympics year, so before he introduces Salem’s Lot, Joe Bob takes some time to discuss the Olympics and that “new sport” called triathlon. He gives a comedic description of what a triathlon is, then questions the sanity of the person who created it, calling it “psycho sports” and expressing shock at the athleticism of the people who participate in it. Rather than taking part in all of this, Joe Bob would rather just watch some cheap cable. As would I.

So Joe Bob introduces Salem’s Lot, which represents the meeting of two genius minds, Stephen King and Tobe Hooper. Although Joe Bob gives the mini-series 3 stars out of a potential 4, he does think it’s a bit slow – which gives him a chance to mention that he received a lot of hate mail for calling the British horror film The Quatermass Xperiment (a.k.a. The Creeping Unknown) slow when he showed it earlier in ‘96. At least he feels that Salem’s Lot picks up in the second half, but the first half of this vampire story is too much of a “traditional haunted house flick” for his taste.

There are so many characters in Salem’s Lot that almost the entire first hour of the mini-series is dedicated to introducing these people and establishing their personal situations. So, Joe Bob is right, the show does not get off to an exciting start. But if you can get through that first hour, Hooper will reward you with some fantastic horror visuals in the remaining two hours. The story centers on author Ben Mears (David Soul), who has come back to his hometown of Salem’s Lot, Maine with the intention of writing about the Marsten House, a house that has been the site of deaths and the home of murderers, and is rumored to be haunted. Mears believes the house itself is evil, and that it draws evil people to it. Which would explain why the latest buyer of the property turns out to be a bloodsucker. Soon, that Nosferatu look-alike (played by Reggie Nalder) is turning most of the population into vampires.

Mears does his best to try to stop the vampirism from spreading, and gets help from some locals - his love interest Susan Norton (Bonnie Bedelia), horror-loving youth Mark Petrie (Lance Kerwin), schoolteacher Jason Burke (Lew Ayres), Susan's father Bill (Ed Flanders) - but this stuff spreads quickly... even if the mini-series takes a while to get to the action. 

Hooper did an incredible job making the vampires come off as creepy and intimidating as possible, whether the scene involves Barlow, or vampire children floating outside second story windows, or a woman rising from her slab in the morgue. Most of the vampire scenes are excellent, and that is what makes this mini-series a must-see.

During his hosting segments, Joe Bob praises cast member James Mason, who plays the vampire’s assistant and, according to Joe Bob, didn’t age between A Star is Born in 1954 and this, is put off by the fact that Bonnie Bedelia mumbles a lot, enjoys watching Fred Willard play realtor Larry Crockett, loves the scene of George Dzundza’s character threatening Larry Crockett with a shotgun, loves Kenneth McMillan’s performance as Constable Parkins Gillespie, points out that fellow cast member Clarissa Kaye was married to James Mason in real life, describes David Soul as bland, says that James Mason gets better and better as the movie goes on – and gets disappointed that Mason’s character is removed from the picture before the vampire has been defeated.

Joe Bob says that one of the great things about Stephen King is that he will kill a kid in his stories... and he wishes he had killed off Mark Petrie. He describes the exposition we get in the opening stretch of the mini-series as “the boring part at the beginning so we’ll understand the good part at the end. He questions, if the house is so evil, why isn’t there more death, destruction, and carnage in this mini-series? He urges the mini-series to get it moving and go faster – and we’re almost halfway into the show before Joe Bob finally admits to the audience that this is a vampire story, as he had previously been pushing it as a haunted house story. He says the scene of a vampire boy floating outside a window is “pretty dang cool,” but he’s appalled by the lack of gore in the bloodsucking scenes. It makes sense that there wasn’t much bloodshed, since this was a ‘70s TV movie, although Joe Bob has heard rumors that a much bloodier version was shown in Europe. Since vampire movies often involve crosses and Catholic priests, he figures they’re all Christian morality tales. And when we get to the “serious monster action,” he says it’s amazing.

At the end of this Salem’s Lot marathon session, Joe Bob says he needs to go to a massage parlor to get some stress relief. In the middle of it all, Honey the Mail Girl drops by to deliver a fan letter written by a woman who was housed in with 200 fellow female inmates.

Salem’s Lot is a good time, despite the slow start – but from now on, when I revisit the mini-series, I think I’ll revisit it with Joe Bob and this MonsterVision episode.

E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)

One of the most popular family friendly sci-fi movies ever made, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial reached theatres about a year and a half before I was born, so some of my earliest memories involve catching cable showings of the movie with my maternal grandmother... and yet, by the late ‘90s, the movie had fallen so far out of my viewing rotation that I hardly remembered any details. I decided to revisit the movie around that time – and, to my surprise, I had trouble getting into it. And that has actually been my situation with E.T. for the last thirty or so years now. I have fond memories of seeing E.T. (the character) on the screen when I was a kid, I’m a fan of many of the movies that have been directed by Steven Spielberg, I always see people speaking fondly about the movie and want to join in... but then, when I try to watch E.T., I find my attention drifting away.

Melissa Mathison wrote a strong, Oscar-nominated script for the film, but it feels like things get off to a slow start. If you check the time, the events actually play out at a reasonable pace, but Spielberg brought a surprisingly quiet, sedate atmosphere to the opening stretch of the movie. It’s not the type of feel you would expect to draw in younger viewers, especially not these days. If you watched E.T. repeatedly while you were growing up, I would imagine that the tone of this movie is exceptionally nostalgic and comforting – but for me, it’s something that makes it difficult to really lock into the movie for a while.

Then things get really cute for a stretch. The titular character is a little alien who has visited Earth to gather plant specimens. Too curious, he wandered too far away from his ship and wasn’t able to catch a ride when government agents showed up and scared his fellow travelers away. So E.T. wanders out into a California neighborhood and ends up taken in by a young boy named Elliott and his siblings, older brother Michael and younger sister Gertrude, with child actors Henry Thomas, Robert MacNaughton, and Drew Barrymore all delivering excellent performances. The kids keep their new alien friend hidden away from their mom, played by the great Dee Wallace.

Shenanigans ensue, with E.T. demonstrating not only telekinetic and healing abilities but also establishing a psychic connection with Elliott that causes quite a distraction when Elliott goes to school and starts experiencing what E.T.’s experiencing while wandering around in his house, drinking beer and watching television. The kids also play dress-up with the alien and even take him trick-or-treating on Halloween.

E.T. starts assembling a communication device so he can “phone home” and get picked up – problem is, government agents are searching for him and might find him before he can go home. This movie is so popular and so often talked about, movie fans who haven’t seen it yet probably already know how that situation goes, flying bicycles and all.

I may find it difficult to keep my attention on the screen for the duration, but that doesn’t keep me from being emotionally affected by the film once things turn serious – and they do get deadly serious toward the end.

E.T. is an incredibly well crafted film. I’ll never be able to enjoy it as thoroughly as its biggest fans do, but I respect it, and E.T. himself in an adorable creature, brought to life through pure ‘80s movie magic. That’s the greatest movie magic of all, as far as I’m concerned. 

THE ADDAMS FAMILY (1964-1966)

When you mention The Munsters, chances are high that The Addams Family will also get mentioned – usually by someone who wants to pit the two families against each other. “Which do you like better, The Munsters or The Addams Family?” It makes sense that they go hand-in-hand in many people’s minds, because they are similar concepts and the two classic sitcoms both ran for two seasons at exactly the same time. The Addams Family premiered on ABC on September 18, 1964 and ran until April 8, 1966. Two seasons, sixty episodes. The Munsters premiered on CBS on September 24, 1964 and ran until May 12, 1966. Two seasons, seventy episodes. So both families were on the air, being weird, at the same time. Well, to answer the question, I prefer the Munsters family over the Addams family. That’s because they’re based on the classic Universal Monsters, which I love, while the Addams are just a bunch of old-money eccentrics who love the macabre and the grotesque. Sure, their butler is kind of ghoulish, a disembodied hand runs around their house, and their extended family includes a lot of people with unusual conditions, but they’re not the classic monsters. The humor of The Munsters also works better for me... but this doesn’t mean that I don’t have a fair share of appreciation for The Addams Family.

I love The Addams Family. I grew up on reruns of the ‘60s sitcom, and the two theatrically-released ‘90s films were a big deal when I was a kid. So I have spent a lot of time having fun watching the Addams get up to their quirky adventures.

The Addams were created by cartoonist Charles Addams in single-panel comics in 1938. For a couple of decades, the characters didn’t have names – but then family matriarch Morticia and daughter Wednesday received their names when dolls of the characters were released in 1962, and we found out that patriarch Gomez and son Pugsley had names when the sitcom premiered in ‘64. The sitcom gives us a sixty episode glimpse into the lives of Gomez, Morticia, Wednesday, and Pugsley, who share their mansion with Uncle Fester, Grandmama, butler Lurch, and that disembodied hand, Thing. As episodes go by, we meet several other family members, with one of the most popular being the very hairy Cousin Itt.

Most episodes derive humor from the oddball Addams having to interact with regular people. Some very amusing situations arise – and what really makes the sitcom shine is the perfect casting for the family members. John Astin as Gomez, Carolyn Jones as Morticia (and her sister Ophelia, who is the opposite of Morticia), Jackie Coogan as Uncle Fester, Ted Cassidy as Lurch, Blossom Rock as Grandmama, Lisa Loring as Wednesday, Ken Weatherwax as Pugsley, they were all absolutely pitch-perfect as their characters, establishing the performances that everyone who has played the characters since then have had to live up to.

Since Wednesday is the star of the series that’s currently running on the Netflix streaming service, I compiled a list of episodes of the classic sitcom from the ’60s to that shine more of a spotlight on the character. That list includes:

The Addams Family Goes to School (Season 1, Episode 1): Wednesday’s schooling is a big deal in the Netflix series, and it also happens to be at the center of The Addams Family’s debut episode. Wednesday is the first Addams family member we meet, as she opens the door for a truant officer who has come to find out why she (6 years old) and her brother Pugsley (8 years old) have never been to school. Although Grandmama has been handling the children’s education up to this point, the Addams agree to send the kids to public school… where they experience some culture shock. We don’t see what happens at the school, but we do see Wednesday come home in tears after hearing a story about a dragon being killed by a knight in shining armor. The poor dragon!

Wednesday Leaves Home (Season 1, Episode 10): A rare Wednesday-centric episode of The Addams Family, this one begins with little Wednesday being disciplined for setting off all of Uncle Fester’s dynamite caps. (She likes them better than the weaker explosives she’s given.) The punishment: she’s forbidden to play with her pet spider Homer for two weeks. That’s too harsh for Wednesday’s liking, so she decides to run away from home… or at least convince her parents that she has. Wackiness ensues, the police get involved, and along the way we find out that Wednesday’s middle name is not Thursday. It’s Friday. Jesse White has a fun guest role in this episode as Sgt. Haley, the cop who finds dealing with the Addams family to be quite mind-boggling.

Art and the Addams Family (Season 1, Episode 14): Wednesday displays some artistic skills in this episode, which begins when Grandmama takes up painting. The Addams call Picasso to come over from Spain and be Grandmama’s art teacher – but they mistakenly hire struggling artist Sam Picasso instead of the legendary Pablo Picasso. When they realize they have the wrong Picasso, they encourage his artistic endeavors by shutting him in the dungeon (they call it the Play Room) so he can focus on painting. Unbeknownst to her parents, Wednesday joins Picasso in the Play Room to do some painting of her own, creating works that critic Bosley Swain hails as masterpieces. And Picasso takes the credit for. We don’t get to see much of Wednesday’s art, but Swain sure is impressed.

Amnesia in the Addams Family (Season 1, Episode 22): When Gomez accidentally hits himself in the head with a pair of clubs, he not only develops amnesia, he also takes on a personality that is the opposite of his normal self. He no longer fits in with the other Addams family members, and they find him to be insufferable. A comedy of errors ensues, as it’s discovered that another whack on the head will restore Gomez to his normal self. Problem is, most of the family is out to hit Gomez and make him himself again, so he keeps getting hit and switches back and forth between personalities multiple times. There are a couple of great scenes with Wednesday in this one, including a scene with her pet lizard Lucifer and another where she convinces Pugsley that he needs to club their dad back to normal.

Halloween, Addams Style (Season 2, Episode 7): What does Wednesday Addams wear when she goes trick-or-treating? Well, of course, she goes as the most terrifying creature of all: a little princess! Sadly, Wednesday doesn’t have a good time trick-or-treating this year. Not only does she not manage to scare anybody, but she comes home heartbroken because a neighbor told her that witches don’t really exist. So her family goes searching for a witch who can come over and confirm for Wednesday that witches do indeed exist. It’s fun to watch the Addams family celebrate Halloween, which they consider to be their “very own holiday,” complete with pumpkin carving and bobbing for apples. And a séance. Plus we get a brief appearance by Cousin Cackle, who is an entertainingly odd fellow.

Feud in the Addams Family (Season 2, Episode 11): In one of the last episodes of season 1, we found out that Wednesday has a “boyfriend”: Woodrow, the invisible son of the Invisible Man. But by the time we reach the season 2 episode Feud in the Addams Family, Wednesday has a crush on a regular boy, Robespierre Courtney. She would have been better off sticking with Woodrow. But Wednesday’s family gives her tips on how to win Robespierre’s heart, making her into a miniature Morticia, and their love connection is encouraged by Robespierre’s mother simply because she wants to get closer to a wealthy relative of the Addams. (Gomez’s cousin by marriage, who Mrs. Courtney assumes is a closer blood relative.) This episode also shows that Wednesday is so skilled in judo, she can easily take down her own father.

Christmas with the Addams Family (Season 2, Episode 15): The same neighbor who tried to ruin Halloween for Wednesday by telling her that witches don’t exist has now tried to ruin Christmas for her and Pugsley by telling them that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. To preserve their nice and gloomy Christmas, the Addams have to prove that he does. The plan includes dressing Uncle Fester in a Santa costume and dropping him down the chimney. The Christmas present Wednesday is most hoping to receive is a new version of her favorite doll, Marie Antoinette... so she can cut her head off with a guillotine, like she and Pugsley did to the previous version of the doll. Pugsley is hoping to receive a bow and arrow set so he can shoot apples off of Uncle Fester’s head.

Addams Cum Laude (Season 2, Episode 25): Like the very first episode of the series, this episode of The Addams Family deals with the education of Wednesday and Pugsley. When the kids get in trouble for playing with dynamite caps during recess at their public school, Gomez and Morticia decide it’s time to send them to a private school that won’t stifle their creativity. Wednesday and Pugsley get expelled from the private school for taking their pet octopus and gila monster to school with them – and rather than just accept that, the Addams family purchases the school, replaces the faculty (assigning a prominent job to Uncle Fester), and comes up with a whole new curriculum. As you can imagine, they have some very unusual ideas for the classes the children should take.

Lurch’s Grand Romance (Season 2, Episode 29): Wednesday is shown to have dancing skills multiple times throughout the sitcom’s two season run. In the episode Lurch Learns to Dance, she taught Lurch ballet moves that she had learned from Grandmama. In the episode Lurch the Teenage Idol, she’s shown dancing the Watusi. But it’s this episode that features the most popular display of Wednesday’s dance moves. Even if you’ve never watched any of The Addams Family, you might have seen the clip of Wednesday and Lurch dancing in Lurch’s Grand Romance. This moment comes about because Lurch has a crush on Morticia’s school friend Trivia and needs tips on how to win her over. So Wednesday shows him some dance moves in hopes that Lurch will be able to dance his way into Trivia’s heart.

Morticia’s Romance: Parts 1 & 2 (Season 2, Episodes 2 & 3): Wednesday doesn’t have a lot of screen time in these episodes, but they are presented as if they are a story being told to her and her brother Pugsley. The story digs into the origins of the great romance between their parents, Gomez and Morticia, who met when they were both 22 years old. In these episodes, we learn that Grandmama had originally arranged for Gomez to marry Morticia Frump’s upbeat, blonde sister Ophelia, but when he got a glimpse of Morticia, it was love at first sight. This also clarifies that Grandmama is Gomez’s mom, Lurch was their butler before Morticia arrived, Thing has been Gomez’s friend since childhood, Fester is Morticia’s uncle, and Cousin Itt is Gomez’s cousin.

Eleven years after this version of The Addams Family ran its course, most of the cast of the show reunited for the made-for-TV, shot-on-video movie Halloween with the New Addams Family, which catches up with the characters a decade later (by which time Gomez and Morticia have had two more children, Pugsley Jr. and Wednesday Jr.). It’s fun, if you can overlook the low production value.